KINCARE SUPPORT

ARTICLES BY GAIL MITCHELL GALLAGHER:

THE INFLUENCE OF A GRANDPARENT
What is the mysterious connection between grandparent and grandchild? What causes the unconditional love that is apparent in almost every grandparent-grandchild relationship? How are values passed on from generation to generation? How do you measure that kind of generational influence?

The grandparent-grandchild relationship can last for decades. This can allow for great times of bonding and produce deep emotional ties for both. As grandparents tie the past to the present, and as family history is lovingly shared and passed down, it establishes deep sentimental roots for the grandchild and fulfills great purpose in the heart of the grandparent.

We can never underestimate the influence of a grandparent on the life of a grandchild, nor can we ignore the effect that a grandchild has on the heart of a grandparent. We know that there is a bond between the two that no one can understand, much less explain. It is a magical bond connecting two hearts forever.

According to Arthur Kornhaber and K.L. Woodward in The Vital Connection, “An infant who is seen and held by its grandparents imprints itself like a brand on the hearts and minds of those grandparents no less indelibly than on its parents. Such moments are not only precious, their emotional impact ‘fixes’ them in the mind as lasting memories.”

But I believe that we can go farther. I believe our influence as grandparents can follow for many generations.

One day a woman was visiting her grandmother, who asked her to go to the closet and bring out a package. As her grandmother carefully unwrapped the worn package, the woman’s heart raced within her. She knew by the tattered cover that it must be the daily journal of her great-grandfather her grandmother had referred to many times. She placed the journal in her granddaughter’s hands and smiled.

For several days, the woman gently fingered through the old journal absorbing and delighting in the words of her great-grandfather. By the time she had

reached the last page she had grown to love and respect a man she had never met, a man she had never seen or had never held her in his arms. The daily activities he had shared about his life on the farm with his family, serving them, as well as his friends and community, touched her heart. Reading his words had shown her the heart of this man. It had shown her that he was a man of God who deeply loved his family and his community. That special mysterious bond had developed as she had read his very own words. Although they had never met face to face, they had met heart to heart. Thus, the influence of a great-grandparent decades later.

BONDING DURING A PANDEMIC
Grandparents always seem to have great creative energy when it come to interacting with their grandchildren. I believe it just comes naturally. During this pandemic of 2020, it calls upon grandparents to be even more creative in their communication because we cannot be with our grandchildren. For me, this has been the most painful experience of shelter-in-place. However, shelter-in-place is important because I don’t want to expose my grandchildren to the virus, and they don’t want to expose me to the virus. So, what do we do?

Well, let’s begin with brainstorming. A few weeks ago, as I was in my serious brainstorming mode, my grandsons Jaden and Jensen Facetimed me. We had a great time laughing and getting caught up on what everyone was doing. They had written some short stories and wanted to read them to me. Listening to them was great fun and so entertaining, but before we hung up, there awaited a surprise for me. I was not prepared for this, but now it is what it is. After they finished reading their stories to me that night, their next words to me were, “Now Nana, you have to write stories for us!” Oh my, was I surprised. I could see that my occasional boredom was about to fly out the window and fun was about to begin.

After thinking about my grandson’s request and wondering how I could contribute to this apparent “reading and writing club,” I could not believe how many stories for little ones were inside of me. The more I began to write, the more addicted I became to writing stories that they could identify with. I began to think of their favorite cartoon characters, their favorite animals, their favorite things to do. Just as many things I could think of. I would incorporate their names and make-believe scenarios in the stories. And amusing titles were a must. To date, 20 plus stories have been written. That’s amazing!

The best thing of all is to see them wide-eyed and sitting very still while listening to each story. They are anticipating what will happen next, whose name will be mentioned? What make-believe adventure will Nana think of next? The facial expressions are the sweetest of all.

I’m sharing all this to say, “Grands, if you are bored, get out a notebook and pen and surprise your grandchildren with stories that will ignite their interest and instill in them a desire to also write stories for you.”

Bonds with grandchildren are formed in the most unusual ways and ties that bind are formed not only in the good times, but in the challenging times as well. During this pandemic, it is a very challenging time. Probably the most challenging time that we will ever remember. So, let’s make this time productive, and make each moment count. Take this opportunity to bond with your grandchildren in your very own special way

AMERICA'S HEROS
There are over 2.4 million grandparents raising grandchildren in the United States today. In addition, there are relatives now stepping in to raise children when the grandparents are unable to do so because of health or financial issues.

This is a global phenomenon. Grandparents are changing their retirement plans, making u-turns, perhaps going back to work to bring in more money to parent again. Some need to quit work to stay home with little ones who are not yet in school. Many are low income or are disabled who are taking care of multiple children. Some are single grandmothers or grandfathers. Some are even great-grandparents.

Some have seen it coming, some have not. Some are dropped off on their front porch with just the clothes on their back. Some unsuspecting grandparents think that their grandchildren are there to simply visit but then are never picked up. Now, these grandparents are faced with finding beds, filling their kitchen cabinets and refrigerators with more food and making school arrangements. Medical and dental appointments will have to be made, not to mention buying clothes and necessities for what may be several children. Some of the children may have special needs.

Why is this happening? Parental drug addiction, mental illness, incarceration, teenage pregnancy, etc. Grandparents and relatives with loving hearts and sacrificial spirits do not want their precious children going into foster care. They do not look the other way, no matter if they are struggling financially or in ill health.

Mary, age 75 has MS. Her young granddaughter, age 6, was at risk of going into foster care because of a drug addicted mom. When someone told Mary she shouldn’t take on the responsibility of raising her granddaughter, she said, “She needs me and I need her.”

Ann, an unsuspecting grandmother living on a fixed income, was watching TV one evening when there was a knock at the door. A lady with Child Protective Services was holding a grandchild Ann did not even know she had. The lady told Ann that her daughter would be in drug rehab for a long time and the baby was now Ann’s responsibility. She gave Ann the baby and left. Ann looked down with dismay at the precious bundle in her arms, walked back into the house, sat in her rocking chair and knew her life would never be the same.

During this current surprise attack of the coronavirus, I know that some may feel panicky, alone and discouraged. But there is support and there are resources out there to help. These caregivers need to first call 211 and get direction as to where to go in their area. Texas Grandparents Raising Grandchildren is a great resource. Texas Area Agencies on Aging are there willing and ready to direct you as well. AARP is a great resource nationwide. Generations United in Washington, D.C. has a wealth of information. Hang in there. You are one of the heroes.

BONDING YOUR WAY
During this time of social distancing, it can really be hard on the grandparents when they are not able to be with their grandchildren. Those very special hugs and kisses are missed especially. So what do you do? Being creative can help with the separation. Continuing to bond is especially important during stressful times.

My grandchildren called me on Facetime one night wanting to read stories to me that they had written. Why hadn’t I thought of this before? Those little munchkins were ahead of me!

What a great time I had listening to their funny stories using their imagination from their toys and stuffed animals. This has become a special time we look forward to several times a week during this stressful time of the coronavirus. Then one night they announced to me that I needed to write stories to read to them. Ok…here we go! Nana, as my grandsons call me, got out her spiral notebook and pen and started to work.

While I brainstormed this assignment given to me, crazy, funny ideas began to take place in my head. What fun this is going to be. I just could not write fast enough. I laughed to myself as I thought of funny scenarios to write about. I thought of their favorite animals and created stories around them, bringing them to life. I let my grandsons be the lead characters getting into all sorts of adventures with their favorite Disney characters. And when I read these stories to them, you will not believe how still they are and how well they listen. They wait in anticipation for their name to be mentioned and in what sort of circumstance they are going to be getting into.

One night their mom had written a story as well and then the next night their dad had written one. The whole family now involved? How great is that?

I found years ago that grandparents can use their imagination in many ways to keep in contact and continue to bond with their grandchildren. We lived

across the country from my parents and my children could not wait to run to the mailbox each time my mom sent something They knew that within that letter or package it would hold a special surprise. Most of the time the fragrance of Juicy Fruit gum permeated the envelope. Special homemade items were sent to each of the children. The children will always remember those gifts and even though their grandparents lived thousands of miles away, that they were not forgotten. They were remembered in love.

So even though its more than miles that separate many of us now with this corona virus event, grandparents can still let those grandchildren know just how much that they are loved.

So grandparents get out your spiral notebooks and pens or cell phones and brainstorm away! There may be other bonding ideas other than writing stories that you are good at and that the grandchildren would love for you to show them. They will see your love come through every time no matter how you do it, no matter how you say, “I love you.